An Open Letter to Beauty Products

Dear beauty products (and the people who peddle them),

With all due respect, what made you think that I gave a gooey cat turd how I look?  Was it the rumpled Batman shirt?  The jeans that don’t fit that I have to keep tugging up?  The tennis shoes, or the not-trendy-messy messy ponytail?

91% of the time the way I look doesn’t even cross my mind.  The other 9% is because, despite popular opinion, I’m not a robot from the future, and I have feelings. A few feelings.  Like, five feelings.  I get insecure in the morning when I put on clothes, before (during and after) a shower, when I’m being photographed, and when I’m talking to beautiful people.

I only ever wash my face in the shower.  I could stand to lose about 25 pounds, but I’m going to do that the old-fashioned way… exercise and trying to eat less candy.

The only time I wish I looked different is when I wish I could be Batman, or a princess in Disney World because how awesome would it be to have a job where I get to play dress up and be nice to kids?  To be honest, I like that I’m a little awkward.  It’s very… me-ish. 

Not to say that I hate compliments.  Just that, 91% of the time I’m a mind inside a body, and I don’t put all my worth in that body.  I don’t hate it, though I used to.

All of this is to say, I don’t really care if the salt came from the dead sea.  I don’t care about the newest foundation, or the nicest face-applicator– I have paintbrushes for that, if I decided I felt like wearing makeup, which happens a couple times a year.  I know it’s not your fault.  You’re probably taught to target people who look like they have low self-esteem.  Which is fine. Whatever.  Being grumpy about that is not one of my five feelings. 

I just wonder if you paint targets on guys the same way.





1 thought on “An Open Letter to Beauty Products

  1. The do paint targets on us, but not in the exact same way. They appeal to the socially and culturally constructed expectations we were raised with – and they are just as un-subtle and crass about it as they are when they target women. Either way, it’s really irritating and annoying but I really just can’t look at most of those ads without wanting to headdesk for the overt and unashamed pandering to cultural concepts that have irritated me since I was old enough to recognize them for what they are.

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