Owning a Pet Artist

Maintenance is usually fairly simple.  Provide cola, boozeahol, coffee or whatever their hydration of choice is.  Most are housetrained.  They prefer not to eat in a group, instead you will find them staring into the flat light of the refrigerator after they think you have gone to bed.

To extend their lifespan, give them plenty of water and limit their consumption of any product that misspells “cheese” in its name.

Paradoxically, obedience school will only make them sullen and insecure.

Be prepared for outbursts.  Say, “There there, though there are plenty of artists who are better than you, there are plenty who are also worse, and look at your work and hate themselves, too” or “I’m sorry that person on the internet was mean to you about perspective, or the Disneyfication of your lineart.”

If your pet artist stops producing, they are not defective.  Please do not return them.  The shelters are overcrowded as it is.  Instead, it is often recommended that you adopted two or three pet artists (of the same gender and/or different orientations, so they won’t breed). Pet artists are not social animals, though some enjoy to spend occasional time with a pack for a ritual they call “workshopping” where they chatter animatedly and scribble on paper before they slink off to the area you have designated as their den.

If you have a project for them to do, leave it out overnight with supplies and vague instructions.

Remember, all pet artists have their own personalities!  What worked for the pet artist of your childhood might alienate your new one, so adjust accordingly. Enjoy!